Self Love

The Oldest I’ve Been & The Youngest I’ll Ever Be Again

A year ago, I wrote a letter to my younger self (Read More) which helped me to reflect on the bygone years of my life in one go. So, I decided to write a sequel…

1st December, the yearly reminder than I am a year older, 2017

I uphold a bedtime reflection routine with the critical and gratitude journal in my mind. As an escalader looks around on the summit of a formation to take in a panoramic view, I reckon up my blessings that pilots me to a point of perspective that can take in any of the absurdities that have crept in to my day from a more neutral distance, and leave a latitude for enhancement. Tonight, the flurry birthday vibe surrounds me as I summarise the highlights of the past year.

I embarked on 2017 with a goodbye, and a hello. I bid goodbye to a workplace which I hold close to my heart, as I said hello to wend my way for a lifelong aspiration, In Sha Allah. Yet, I felt overdue on this milestone, as I “wasted” 4 years of my life without pursing it while I could. Now, I have made peace with the fact that the years were not squandered, owing to the fact that they unveiled encounters I would not have chanced on, had I taken another route.

I cannot determine whether I underestimated OR overestimated my course of study. I jotted down every word onto a 4 tier book during the first week, but when my handwriting went haywire, the words found solace in my brain as groups of neurons, primed to fire in the paradigm that heard the indigenous words. Soon, the book became a home for doodles which made their way out of my amateur artistic self. I questioned, I perceived answers and I committed.

In June, I travelled 3404 kilometres + 5414 kilometres within the course of 2 days, and iterated the pattern when returning to homeland, all by myself. (Read More) I set foot in two foreign lands, which I soaked up instantly. I strode with the confidence and familiarity of a local, and the astonishment and bewilderment of a foreigner. I was alone en route, but I was not lonely because a) My level of confidence AND tolerance proliferated as I tackled it all with aplomb, even when panic gushed through me when I misplaced my passport at one of the transit hubs of Asia, b) My appeal for unique personages piqued up as I diligently listened to tales from far flung lands, and my compassion towards everyday strangers snowballed,  c) The dimensions were infinite, yet my eyes captured every moment conscientiously and above all, d) It served as a catalyst for my self love, credits to the constant ease of introspection, and reminded me of the vastness of my being and heart. I absorbed, I experienced, I reacted, and I shared.

The vastness of my being knows no bounds, so I paved the way for more positivity into my life, for there can never be enough. I stopped averting my glance in the face of a potential friendship, and responded to people whom I would have deemed irrelevant an year ago, while initiating conversations my future self would thank me for. I dazed in bewilderment at the accomplishments of the people around me, as my newsfeed cluttered with noteworthiness with every page refresh.

I was a creature of habit, but I pried myself loose from the jaws of mediocrity. I discerned a signature look, but knowing how to dress myself up is the tip of the iceberg, and I had been itching to create my own. Inspiration is all around me, whether it be a garment I glimpsed on the streets, an abstract concept or a visual delineation, a trend I want to bring back or the visualistic ideas that crowd my mind when I step in front of a mirror. So, I cashed in on all the creative goodness and created sartorial magic.

I felt myself evolving, and my definition of evolving is a bit different than the common dictionary meaning.

Amidst the clutter of happy notes, I mastered the art of smiling through the pain. I battled with the idea that 24 hours per day is meagre, but also ponderous because I had and have plenty to anticipate. I came to terms with the fact that ‘the sooner the better‘ is not pertinent in all circumstances, and the clock will tick on cue. The pessimistic scenarios I entertained in my head blew whistles on me, as foretold. I ceased to bounce back after a year of food binge, stuffing myself rotten. As the custodian for my body, I am responsible for its’ care, but getting back on the healthy eating horse was not as easy as practicing a little self care.


Today, the only weight on my shoulders is choosing which essential oil to add in the diffuser tonight.

On second thought, I would go with Lavender.

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her wall…”


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